Because sometimes “soulmate” is just your own reflection saying, damn, I look emotionally available today.

Not Who They Are—but Who You See: Falling in Love with Yourself

Here’s a truth that might make you stop in your tracks: when we fall in love, it’s rarely the real person we’re falling for. We’re often falling in love with a reflection—a version of ourselves, projected through their presence, energy, or the way they make us feel.

Falling in Love vs. Loving Someone

Science shows that being in love is awash with neurochemicals like dopamine and norepinephrine—a cocktail that leaves us euphoric, obsessive, and reliant on emotional highs. It’s powerful, intoxicating—and ultimately transient.
(Reddit Selfaddrc.org)

Loving Someone is a Different Conversation

In contrast, loving someone is quieter, deeper, and built over time. It’s fueled by empathy, acceptance, and emotional investment—more akin to oxytocin-fueled contentment than adrenaline‑driven desire.
(yourtango.com Verywell Mindaddrc.org invme.com)

The Self-Expansion Mirror

Romantic attraction teaches us about ourselves—through the Self-Expansion Model, relationships are ways to grow by incorporating new perspectives, skills, or identities through another. But that growth may be tied not to who they actually are, but how they contribute to your version of your best self.
(Wikipedia)

Projecting, Rather Than Authentic Loving

When we fall for someone's potential, what we're truly doing is internal projection. Freud called this projection—assigning unwelcome or idealized parts of ourselves onto someone else. It can feel comforting, until reality disagrees.
(Wikipedia)

Selfish Infatuation vs. Altruistic Love

• Infatuation (Being in Love) often feels claustrophobic. You crave validation, emotional reciprocity, and sustained high. It can be deeply selfish, anchored in your own emotional needs,
  (Medium Elite Daily).
• True Love is rooted in mutual growth and respect. It’s not about absorption but connection—a relationship of equals, where you tend each other's souls, not merge identities.
  (yourtango.com Guide to Stress Less)

“Being In Love” Can Erode Identity

Relationships that feel like thunderstorms—beautiful but destructive—can blur your boundaries. Over time, you start molding yourself to fit someone else’s fantasy—an “I‑It” scenario rather than a solid “I‑Thou” connection.
(Verywell Health Verywell Mind)

Emotional Intelligence Is the Bridge

Building emotional intelligence (EQ) is key. It keeps you self-aware, empathetic, and grounded. With high EQ, you can discern if you’re caught in infatuation or rooted in a healthier, mutual, long-lasting love.
(Boo)

Reflection Prompts to Try

• Have I ever loved someone more for how they made me feel about myself?
• Did I lose parts of who I am to fit someone else’s ideal?
• Who am I without this romance's reflection?
  
  

Final Thought: A Love Not Just Felt, But Knitted

In the end, real love isn’t about losing yourself in someone. It’s about choosing someone while fully knowing yourself, honoring both. It’s the steady flame over the tossed firework. It’s “I love you as you are,” not “I love you as you could be for me.”