Your Pain Isn’t a Glitch: Why Ignoring It Only Makes It Louder

Why Denying Your Pain Is Like Ignoring Your Phone’s Low Battery — And Why It’ll Eventually Shut You Down

Let’s be honest: pain is life’s least favorite push notification. It shows up uninvited, always at the worst time, and it won’t go away no matter how many times you swipe it off your emotional screen.

Most of us respond to pain in one of two ways. We either armor up — “I’m fine, really” — while our insides quietly implode, or we crumble like a cookie in warm milk and wonder why our life suddenly feels like a bad soap opera. Both reactions are normal. What’s not helpful is pretending pain isn’t there at all. That’s like ignoring your phone’s “1% battery” warning because you’re “manifesting better energy.” Spoiler: your emotional Wi-Fi will drop.

The Science Behind Pain (and Why It’s Not Just in Your Head)

Pain — emotional or physical — is your body’s way of saying, “Hey, pay attention!” Neuroscience shows that emotional pain activates the same brain regions as physical pain — the anterior cingulate cortex and the insula, to be exact

That’s why heartbreak can hurt as much as stubbing your toe, except you can’t just hop on one foot and swear your way out of it.

So when you brush off emotional pain, you’re not being strong — you’re basically ignoring your brain’s equivalent of the “check engine” light. And as anyone who’s ever done that knows, the car doesn’t fix itself.

Also Read: Anger Isn’t the Enemy — It’s the Messenger

Why Denial Is a Slow-Motion Wreck

Denying your pain feels like control — at first. You tell yourself you’re being mature, resilient, “above it.” You post an inspirational quote on Instagram and call it healing. But here’s the inconvenient truth: unacknowledged pain doesn’t disappear; it relocates.

Psychologists call this emotional avoidance — the act of dodging uncomfortable feelings through distraction, denial, or sheer force of will. The catch? Studies show it actually increases stress, anxiety, and depression over time. It’s like stuffing dirty laundry in the closet — you can’t see it, but you’ll still smell it eventually.

Long-term avoidance can also mess with your body. Chronic stress from bottled-up emotions has been linked to high blood pressure, inflammation, and weakened immunity. Meanwhile, people who confront and express their emotions — even briefly — tend to recover faster both mentally and physically. Apparently, vulnerability is better medicine than most of us want to admit.

The Shame Factor: Why We Hide Pain

Of course, denial doesn’t come from nowhere. Most of us grew up in emotional cultures that celebrate stoicism: “Keep calm and carry on,” “Don’t be dramatic,” “Other people have it worse.” Translation: hide your pain, and no one will think less of you.

But they do. Because now you’re acting weird, and everyone can tell something’s off — except you’re busy insisting you’re “just tired.”

The truth is, shame and pride are often pain’s biggest bodyguards. We fear that showing pain means weakness or failure. Yet researcher Brené Brown (2012) calls vulnerability the birthplace of connection, courage, and creativity. Translation: your pain might actually be your most honest, badass teacher — if you stop pretending it’s not there.

How to Stop Denying and Start Healing (Without Turning Into a Walking Self-Help Cliché)

Name It to Tame It.

Label what you feel. “I’m hurt.” “I’m scared.” “I’m furious at my boss but pretending I’m not.” Research shows that naming emotions literally reduces their intensity. It’s like deflating an emotional balloon before it explodes.

Get Curious, Not Judgmental.

Instead of running from your feelings, turn into an emotional scientist. Observe: what triggered this? What’s the story I’m telling myself? Curiosity disarms judgment — and it makes self-awareness a little less scary.

Feel It (Safely).

Cry, shout into a pillow, take a long drive with angry music, or go for a walk. Emotions want movement, not suppression. Bottled-up feelings don’t vanish — they ferment.

Seek Support.

Pain shrinks when shared. Talk to a friend, write in a journal, or find a therapist. You don’t get bonus life points for doing it alone.

Forgive Yourself.

This one’s non-negotiable. Pain makes you human. So do mistakes, breakdowns, and ugly cries. Self-forgiveness is the reset button your nervous system has been begging you to press.

The Bottom Line

Denying your pain doesn’t make you stronger — it just makes you tired. It’s emotional procrastination disguised as stoicism. Sure, pretending you’re “fine” might buy you temporary peace, but it’s the kind of peace that cracks under pressure.

Real strength isn’t about never hurting; it’s about letting pain have its say without giving it the steering wheel. Because when you acknowledge pain, you don’t collapse under it — you integrate it. That’s the difference between surviving and growing.

So next time you’re tempted to say, “I’m fine,” try this instead: “I’m not fine, but I’m working on it.” It’s messier, braver, and infinitely more human.

Sources 

Eisenberger, N. I. (2012). The pain of social disconnection: examining the shared neural underpinnings of physical and social pain. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 13(6), 421–434.

Hayes, S. C., Wilson, K. G., Gifford, E. V., Follette, V. M., & Strosahl, K. (1996). Experiential avoidance and behavioral disorders: a functional dimensional approach to diagnosis and treatment. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 64(6), 1152.

Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. Gotham Books.

Pennebaker, J. W. (1997). Writing about emotional experiences as a therapeutic process. Psychological Science, 8(3), 162–166.